well… maybe not. But when we were at the clinic for M’s ultrasound we saw sperm arriving and a security guard was standing next to it. Was he with the sperm….I’m not sure, but with my view it looked like he might have been. So in my mind, 50% of our future baby was guarded by security. ha ha
So M had her ultrasound and bloodwork today. The results were…the same. Not good, not bad, just the same. Her right ovary has 1 big follicle and one baby one. The Dr. said the big one will be too big for transfer and there is no way that baby one at 5 is catching up (IMO). Her left ovary has 5 follicles all measuring in at 13. I guess that is okay. I think it is good that they are all the same size. He said that if all goes as planned we will come back Sunday for another ultrasound and bloodwork and if that looks good we will have retrieval on Tuesday. He also said that of course things could go badly and then we would have to re assess the situation. That comment was in response to me asking if we are still looking okay.
So my panic is starting to set it. What if the follicles stop growing? What if we don’t get them all? What if they don’t fertilize? What if we don’t get any? and on and on and on….
I just really want this to work. We have been very clear that this is one shot deal and that if this is not successful we will move on to me. I just so badly want this to work for M. For her to get the chance to grow our baby.
Anyone who knows me in real life would be surprised by this. I always said that if I ever got married I would only do it if #1 – they were okay with having kids and #2) they didn’t want to carry them (that task was going to be reserved for baby crazy me). But something along the way changed. I want her to get pregnant more then I wish myself to. I still would like to eventually as that is our plan. No matter if this works or not, if we get 0 babies, 1 baby, or 4 from M, the deal is I still get to carry a baby after.
How do I keep from going crazy? Time off work + more intense treatments = my brain going 1 million beats a minute. Oh man..