Hurry up and Wait

I have been a huge slacker in the posting department. It is so much easier to just read everyone else’s blogs and pretend I know what’s going on. I am pretty sure we do not have anyone that reads our posts but that is beside the point. The goal of this is to connect with other people and keep a record of our experience to look back on.

On the IVF front – a whole lot of nothing has happened. Our clinic is still in transition and every time we call they tell us to call back next month. This has become increasingly frustrating to us but we are trying to stay calm and positive. After the last time we called and they said….. we are not set up for embryo freezing and IVF yet and M said that maybe we should just switch to me. She said that her initial concern was the inability to bond with a child she was not biologically connected to. (I think that was more the dilemma of one of us being biologically related and the other person not and how that would look. I firmly stated that I had no concern about connecting with a child that I didn’t carry so we started TTCing with her body.) She is over that now. The concern has shifted to financial worries. We are looking at putting close to the complete $15,000 on a line of credit. While we have access to it, it is extremely frightening. We had a week where we discussed, avoided, argued and discussed some more about what to do. I won! I mean, we are continuing with IVF for one try. My argument was that over the course of the next ten years the 15,000 will be paid off and a distant memory, but we will not be able to try IVF again in 10 years due to age. I also wanted her to have the opportunity to try everything once so that we didn’t have to look back at the what ifs. M doesn’t need to feel like she is financially burdening us with this decision because as you all know, fertility is an not something that we can predict and even if we switched to me, It could take 3 years and IVF as well. I just let her know that it is not her fault and if she still wants to grow a baby we should. She is now back on the positive IVF train.  Hopefully she will be able to start her BC next month and by September we will be able to get this train moving.

I am nervous as an outsider to this event that it might not work. Our Fertility Dr. has assured us that our situation looks great but she said that about the IUI’s as well. I have a real concern that as our last step IVF may not work and how does that affect M. She has mentioned that she will just feel really sad and feel like we wasted money for nothing. But I want it to work so bad. I want her to be able to experience being pregnant,  having a maternity leave and spending a year at home with our future baby. I know that if I carry our baby she could take mat leave instead of me but that would be a whole other issue. I am concerned that she will feel like it is her fault when it is not. I also need to realise these concerns are my fears and to let them go so that we can have the best chance possible.

How did you and yours pass the waiting time while TTC? This i shaping up to be a long summer…

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1 Response to Hurry up and Wait

  1. Allison says:

    I’m reading!
    Just enjoy your summer together. Are you both off? You should go out for walks and dinner and to the movies. Then Jen and I can live vicariously through you! 😉

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